"Mate." They growl in unison. The next moment, two hard, sweating bodies turn the handle and push me into the office. The scent... It's Atlas and Axel! The twins whom I have a crush on!!! Oh, goddess, I love you. They’re 18 today, and I’m the lucky she-wolf to have the twins! “Atlas, Axel, I’m happy that...” I turn around, but my expression freeze when I look into their eyes. They look disappointed and angry. Why? Don’t they want me? How could it be? I try to deceive myself, but what they say the next crushes all my self-deceiving lies. "I, Axel Grimm, and I, Atlas Grimm, hereby reject you, Harley Grace Ashwood as our mate and Luna." I feel like a ton of trucks have parked on my chest. I have to admit that I still don't dare to accept their rejection, so I run past them, dodging their hands that are reaching out for me. I just want to find a place to hide, stay away from them, and heal myself slowly. --- White halls, white tile floors, pep rally signs, that unrelenting mix of stereotypical groups that are normal even for supernatural schools, and all of The Chicken Soup for The Teenage Soul books my mother has gifted me over the last few weeks as summer break neared its end wasn't enough to prepare me for this. Years of homeschooling in the comfort of my home was down the drain because of one bull test the alpha requested, which landed me in my senior year in this private god of a high school where my brother and every other ranking member in this pack attends.  My mother has always bragged about how brilliant I am, but I thought it was just something she liked to say because she is my mom. It turns out she was right. The test placed me here, skipping my junior and freshman years entirely.  I sighed as I navigated the crowd winding in and out of broad shoulders and clouds of perfume. The sickeningly sweet scent hung heavy in the back of my throat, making me crunch my nose up, and the sweat in my palms reminded me I had no business here. 242…242… I repeated the locker number over and over as I searched every row I passed. Anger stomped me when the shining numbers caught my eye. "Hey, Harls. You okay?" My brother asked, ruffling my hair up even worse. I hadn't realized I had been standing there staring at my locker on the top row until he walked up. "No. I want to go home." I pouted, scuffing my worn Converse on the tile floor. "Ah, come on. Give it a chance." He said, leaning on the locker and looking down at me. "Den… I do not belong here. I can't even reach my locker." Tears welled up in my eyes, not really in sadness but anger. I do not want this. I have been homeschooled for a reason, and even though Alpha Grimm contributes my homeschooling to me being weird, it made me see how full of shift he really is. He despises me and wants to make me miserable for some reason, and my parents let him because my father is his beta, and my brother is next in line. I can feel my wolf fighting for dominance, raging a storm against my emotions. She wants to run; I want to hide. Denny let out a long breath as my eyes darkened. "Not here, Harls. Get it together until we get home." Den shook my shoulders. It has to be kept a big secret that my wolf has surfaced. It's odd for a wolf to surface before eighteen; mine appeared six years ago. My parents and Denny are the only ones who know, and I listened when they all said it was best to hide her away. They claimed they knew what was best for me, and who am I to disagree? After all, Alpha Grimm's twin sons, the successors to his throne, won't even have their wolves until eighteen, and my parents know what god that could mean for me. He turned to me to face my locker as he opened it. "What do you need?" I know he is trying to be helpful, which I appreciate, but I will have to change this. "AP Calc," I grumbled. His eyes burned through me with a mixture of confusion and fear. "What are you?" he laughed. His joke was light, but it was a valid question with only one answer. "A fking freak," I replied as he handed me the materials for my first class. "Harley, you are far from a freak. On the contrary, you are brilliant and special, and nothing is wrong with that." He replied, squeezing my shoulder. I don't know what I would do without him. "I may not be out of my first period when yours ends, but I can ask Atlas or Axel to help you until we can get your locker changed… or get you a step stool." He chuckled as my heart bottomed out. "NO!" I said all too quickly. "I can figure it out.  "Do not bother them." I haven't been able to be around the twins for years without my heart racing and my mouth drying out. Not to mention the frenzy they create in my wolf, and I am already struggling with controlling her. They muddle my brain and make my hands shake, and I don't need that on top of everything else. I turned on Den before he could argue, making my way to my first class. I have studied the layout of this place for weeks and know exactly how to get where I need to be quickly. I took a deep breath at the door, trying to center myself before stepping in, hopefully calming myself and my wolf, who was scratching at my brain, begging for acknowledgment. I dug my nails into my palms, took a deep breath, and held it until my lungs burned. One… Two… Three. I stepped in. My entire body froze when I saw both twins and only one empty seat beside Axel. f'k-!  Atlas was wearing some blonde around his w***t, using her mouth like an oxygen tank, and Axel's eyes were burning into me with suspicion. I shuffled to the back, lightly dropping into the desk that swallowed my four-foot-eight frame. "I think you may be lost, little bird." Axel whispered, using my childhood nickname. "I wish." I grumbled, pulling my materials out of my bag, an energy drink and the cleaning cloth for my glasses. His dark chuckle sent a delicious tingle down my spine, making my stomach flip as he settled back in his seat, preparing his things. I managed to get through the first period without awkward introductions or interruptions. At dismissal, I gathered my things, stopping at the bathroom. A bunch of girls stood there fixing their makeup and gossiping as I entered the stall and peed. "I think he'll f'k- me this weekend." One of them said, giggling. "I thought you were fking that one guy who offered to get you a nose job?" the other asked curiously. Her question set off the blonde. "SHH!" her agitation was evident. 

  My cheeks flushed, and I made haste to finish my business and wash my hands, but not before recognizing the one that said she thought they would hа've sex this weekend, as the blonde Atlas was playing tonsil hockey with. Rage and jealousy bubbled through me as I left the bathroom. I tried to make sense of those ridiculous feelings when I finally returned to my locker, and just like Denny predicted, he had yet to get there. So I jumped, trying to reach the combination lock Den had to help me do this morning. "f'k- this day and f'k- this locker!" I growled, slamming my fists against the lockers. Warm hands wrapped around my w***t, and I squeaked as my feet left the ground, making my locker eye level. I quickly opened my locker, exchanging the materials, hoping whoever was behind me didn't drop me. That thought made my already thudding heart jump a little faster. Finally, I closed my locker, and my feet met the floor again. "Thanks for the—" My words caught in my throat as Atlas's dark eyes looked through my soul. "Poor little bird. You can't do anything for yourself, can you?" his snarky remark pissed me off, and I couldn't stop the scoff from slipping out. His eyebrow coked up, probably not expecting defiance from his loyal subjects this early. But then he blew me off, ruffling my hair up the way he and Axel have done my whole life. "I didn't ask you for help, did I, Atlas?" I snapped as I turned to walk away. The rubber toe of my ratty shoes caught on the tile sending me flying to my face, and my books and papers scattered the floor. Atlas's laughter made my cheeks flush as I got up, readjusting this fugly uniform skirt that probably showed him every inch of my bottom. Denny ran up, helping me gather my things which I greedily snatched. "I got it!" my voice sounded like gravel, and my eyes were black as night. "Harley." Denny's voice warned me of what I already knew. I was seeing red, and my wolf was fronting. "Run along, little bird, before you hurt yourself." Atlas laughed as he tried to send me away. I turned to defend myself when Denny pulled me forward, shaking his head no. "I will be waiting here after your next class, I promise. Just go." He said, urging me forward gently. I was relieved when neither of the twins had my next class. I like this teacher; she is engaging and makes me laugh. I felt comfortable here like I could do this after all. She dismissed us for lunch, and true to his word, Denny was waiting for me this time. "Don't pay no mind to Atlas. Both of them are struggling with keeping control of themselves. They are coming into their wolves next week… you know how emotional and hard that it is." He whispered the last part, making my heart clench tight. I do remember. It was awful and scary, and the pain of the first shift is indescribable. Denny changed the texts I needed for my next class, and he walked with me to the cafeteria. I packed both of us chicken and steak quesadillas that I had made last night with a side salad. I tossed him his food, and we plopped into a chair. I smiled when he threw a bottle of water at me. We quickly settled in, talking and laughing about nothing until the twins walked up, flopping down with the soggy lunches they purchased from the line, grumbling and growling under their breath. I thought of what Den had said and unwrapped the two extra quesadillas and salad bowl I had brought for if Denny didn't get full. I slid one in front of each of them without breaking mine and Denny's conversation about the border patrol he was on the other night when I heard a slight g***n of satisfaction as they dug into the food. Knowing they enjoyed my cooking made me want to smile so badly, but I managed to swallow it. The blonde from the bathroom walked up, flopping down in Atlas's l*p again. I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling this time as I cleaned up the mess and gathered the bowls. "Den, can you stash these in your locker without forgetting them or put them in mine, maybe?" I asked, standing with the bag of stacked Tupperware. "Why are you even here? Aren't you like ten?" She laughed, tossing her hair back. I tried to tell myself not to engage with her. Because I knew she just wanted a rise out of me. But I couldn't help it. "Wait, aren't you the girl arranging out her cooter for a free nose job?? Goddess, that is disgusting." I snarled, walking away from the daggers in her eyes she had directed at me. The rest of the day, I rode my high from knocking her down a notch until Denny texted me, telling me to grab the bowls from his locker. He would wait for me in the parking lot, much like I had expected he had forgotten them. I turned the corner a few feet from his locker when the slick slurping sounds filled the hallway along with screechy grunts. I peeked into the classroom where the sounds came from to find Atlas pinning the blonde over the teacher's desk. His handsome face was scrunched up in concentration as he slammed into her. His l**s were slightly parted, and sweat glistened on his chest. I backed away, grabbing the bowls and running like god before anyone saw me here— before Atlas saw me here. Bile rose in my throat like a science fair volcano as I busted through the double door that would take me into the parking lot. My body heaved on its own as I wrapped myself around a stone pillar with my lunch spilling from me. How could I be so deeply repulsed and intrigued by the two of them? "Harley, are you alright?" Denny grabbed my shoulders, looking me over. "Let's go!" I took him with my shaking hand, running for his car. He opened the door for me, and I shrank into the seat as fur started spewing from my skin, my claws elongating like deadly spears, and a whine tore from me as I fit my wolf for control. 

   Denny and speeding are normal, but speeding is an understatement of what was happening as he pulled into the garage shutting the big door behind us. He opened the door, letting me leap from the car as my shift took over. An ear-splitting howl tore from my muzzle. While I don't know what set us off, I do know that she wants to rip that blonde's throat out, and I want to punch Atlas in the face. I ran through the door as Denny opened it, heading for the steps. I barreled through my bedroom door, letting my wolf sink into the nest that is my bed. I fell into a deep sleep in the darkness of my room, with my heart wrenching from my chest. My mother's delicate hand rubbing the hair from my eyes woke me up before dinner. "Wanna talk about it?" She is a wonderful mom, but I don't know how to describe what I am feeling right now. So, I settled for a half-truth. "I don't want to go back there. I clearly do not belong in that place, Mom! I can't even reach my locker. Denny has had to help me all day." She looked me over with a contemplating gaze before shattering any hope I had of returning to homeschooling. "I know, honey. But it is the alpha's orders." My skin prickled at her words. "It's bull shift, Mom, and you know it." I growled. "Language, Harley Grace! I don't like it any more than you do, but we cannot deny that pompous asshole's orders. Just make it through the next six months, and you can take the exit exams and decide if you want to attend college right now." She snapped back, jumping to her feet to leave me with my thoughts. The exit exams are very similar to the ACT humans take to graduate. The exit exams mean you have completed the required learning and no longer need to attend high school instead of determining your college readiness the way the ACT does. I can score high enough to exit if today's classes indicate what that exam will look like. I did my homework for the week in one sitting during study hall today. I knew the material without being taught it. I showered and skipped dinner. Then I fell asleep with The Art of War on my chest. I decided to listen to my mother. For six months, I would get up and attend my classes, avoid the twins, and take the exit exams. Just six months. The following day, I threw on my Converse and the fugly-bottom uniform and stuck to my word. Denny had a meeting this morning with Dad and would be late returning to school after dropping me off. Axel and Atlas were at their vehicle when we pulled in, and my heart immediately fell into my b**t. My eyes roamed, appreciative of how handsome they looked all the time. I do not know how they look so handsome in these ugly uniforms, but they really pull it off. "Could you guys help Harls with her locker until I get back?" he asked out of the window, mortifying me. "I got it, Den. Thanks!" I said, jumping from the car and rushing to the steps. Both twins just nodded to Denny as they made their way toward me. I was practically running to avoid them, but with their height, they caught up to me quickly. Atlas leaned in closer to me, keeping his voice low. "Did you enjoy the show yesterday, little bird?" I froze. Had he seen me? "I—I don't know what you are talking about, Atlas Grimm." I was surprised I sounded so collected, considering the storm in my stomach. His dark laughter shot sparks across my skin that took me by surprise. Making me rub the static from my arms. I ran into the classroom across from my locker to see if I could bum a chair to reach my locker, only to be embarrassed when the teacher told me no. My blush ran deep into my chest when I saw the twins leaning on my locker, looking extremely amused. "Come here, little bird." Axel stood upright, summoning me forward. I craned my n**k, making eye contact with him, preparing for a smart-bottom remark that I would pretend didn't hurt my feelings. Surprise fleeted through me when he turned me, lifting me gently like Atlas had yesterday. I made quick work of the lock, grabbed what I needed for my first class, and quickly closed it. I turned to face them when I was safe on the ground. My embarrassment raged when he patted my head, and they both left me with smiles on their faces. Butterflies erupted through me at the thought of how tender Axel had been with me, a thought that I quickly shoved aside as I shamed myself for my silly crush on the two boys that hadn't been nice to me since we were all small children. Much like yesterday, I had started falling into a routine, and lunch came around quickly. I made a crispy chicken salad topped with summer berries and packed the twins one too. I felt silly for even making an effort. Denny tore into his, m*****g and g******g like a starving bear. "This is so good." He g*****d through a mouth full as the twins sat down with their trays of mystery meat. I pinched my nose at the odd concoction and turned to dig for their bowls in the bag, quickly sliding it their way. "That smells." I mumbled with my nose scrunched. "Yeah, well. Our mom doesn't pack our lunch, little bird." Axel's tone dripped with irritation as he scooted the nasty trays away, opening the lid to his salad. Their mother died long before I could remember, and I had only heard stories about her. "Neither does ours. Harls gets up at five every morning to make our lunches. She did even before she started here." Denny snorted, shoveling more into his mouth. "I was hoping if I kept you big starving alphas from eating this nasty cra'ap, you wouldn't be so hateful about helping a girl out with her locker situation." I said, forking my food into my mouth. The three of them snorted in unison like I had made a joke. "I don't know what the air-heads in the office were thinking giving you a top-row locker, but it is set in stone. I have already tried getting it changed." Atlas said, finally opening the lid to his food. "Thank you, Atlas." The appreciation was too clear in my voice. His big, beautiful eyes shot at me in surprise. "I mean, at least you tried. I guess. I could try to find a step stool or something." I grumbled, pushing my food around the plastic bowl. "Don't worry, little bird. You keep feeding us like this, and I don't think we would have a problem lifting you to your locker." Axel winked at me, reigniting the swarm of butterflies in my stomach. "You got it." I smiled, deciding to stop playing with my food. Atlas's blonde friend was scarce at lunch today, but I ran the bowls to Den's car before class resumed, so there weren't any issues like yesterday. The day ended quickly with no more shifting incidents, and I was so happy to get home that I flopped on my bed, falling asleep before my head hit the pillow. 

 Six months passed quicker than I expected. I still haven't made any friends, but I had gotten used to one of the twins replacing Denny at my locker since I had ensured they ate good food at lunch; they helped me with my locker, and it was almost like we were friends again. "I heard you were taking your exit exams this weekend." Atlas said, lifting me to put my cra'ap away for the day. I chuckled at his attempt to small talk. They had been having random conversations with me lately, and I hate to admit I enjoyed it. "Yeah… I'm kind of nervous." I spoke truthfully, just not about what caused the nerves. I had settled into this weird routine here over the last six months, and being around Denny and the twins all the time was normal for me now. It was even nice. "What reason would you have to be nervous little bird? You are… brilliant." He whispered the last word making the chills I've grown used to them giving me break out across my skin. "I know. But I also know I don't think I am ready for college at sixteen… but wouldn't it be a mistake not to use that opportunity?" he shrugged at my question. "Is it not more important to have comfort than to lose an opportunity that will still be there in two years?" his question held my interest. "Is it?" I asked as he sat me back on my feet. "Harley, I have been groomed for my life for a very long time. At least you have a choice. You should make it based on what you want and no one else." He said, looking me so deeply in the eye that I could just barely breathe. Is it more important? Wouldn't future me appreciate the work when we could be settled with a good education and a career at twenty, or would she be pissed that I didn't do more for us? I found out today the exam was changed to this afternoon instead of Saturday. So as I prepared to sit on that cold metal desk, I weighed the importance of what I wanted. Just because I don't go to college right away doesn't mean I shouldn't ace this test… but if I ace it, doesn't that mean my life goes back to no twins and not as much time with Denny? I wandered the halls looking for Den... or maybe even one of the twins. I prayed I would run into someone who could remedy the nerves causing my stomach to clench. I rounded the corner, hoping to catch Denny at his locker when the door into the same classroom I saw Atlas pounding the blonde in was cracked again, but this time it was raging whisper screams pouring from it instead of the pleasurable ones. I turned to leave, but my feet wouldn't move as Axel's silky voice washed over me. "She is just a fking aggravation. Why are you so threatened by her?" I didn't think my heart could beat harder until a female's voice came from the darkened room. "I am anything but threatened by that little freak. But you and Atlas are with her constantly. He doesn't want to hа've sex with me anymore, and every time I mention her, he snaps at me." So Atlas takes up for me? "For fks sake. She is just a little obnoxious girl with a silly fking crush that means nothing. She means NOTHING!" Atlas yelled. He was there too. Hot tears pricked in my eyes, my brain repeating that one word as my feet dragged me towards the testing room. Nothing… nothing… nothing. My mind is made up. I had to ace this test, and I was stubid to lose sight of that in the first place. I cleaned my face off, pushing aside those nagging feelings of insecurity and insignificance. I aced that test; I know that without a doubt. I just won't have it in writing until Monday. After I closed out, I packed myself from that room, feeling like cement had been poured into my shoes. Denny, Atlas, and Axel were all three waiting there for me. All three wore big smiles while I exited the room fighting off the tears and the snot. "What's wrong?" Denny entered protective big brother mode at my bright red face and bloodshot eyes. I ran my fingers through my shoulder-length hair, unable to take my eyes off the twins. "You both are arrogant jackasses to assume my being friendly with you was me having a 'silly fking crush.' I mistakenly assumed two big brave alphas could ever be friends with a NOTHING like me." I yelled that ugly word with as much soul and anger as Atlas held when he spat it about me. I let my tears flow freely, unable to stop them anymore. "Take me home, Denny." Atlas's jaw was tight, ticking with everything he wasn't brave enough to tell me. They were my friends. I know that. We shared too many little conversations about things other people wouldn't understand, and you don't share that with anyone. But it is what it is. I won't make that same mistake a third time. I stayed in bed the weekend despite my family and the twins trying to get me to go to their birthday party. I didn't want to see them right now. I still can't be sure why I feel so strongly about something stubid, but the reality is… I do have a silly crush. The way they smell, their smiles, their beautiful faces, and their brains. I love all of it, and I still feel hurt by their words and the loss of their friendship, so I want to sleep in my bed until the hurt doesn't feel so thick and suffocating anymore. Monday rolled by all too quickly, and Den drove me to school early so I could see if my name was on the exiting list or not. If it is, I will go back home. If it isn't, I have to stay and face them, and I am not ready for that. I wore a forest green sun dress and flats. I tied my shoulder-length black hair in a half updo, and honestly, I have no idea why I dressed up, but I did. I took a deep breath before stepping in. The halls were still dark. This early, the only people here are custodial staff and sports teams with scheduled practice. So I made my way to the list, ignoring the rock in my chest that had been there since Friday. When my name caught my eye, I was wrapped in the smell of something I couldn't put my finger on, but it made the rock disappear. My shoulders relaxed, and my wolf stopped clawing at me. My whole being was at peace, and the moment I tried to relax, I was slammed into the office in front of me. "Mate." In unison, was growled behind me as two hard, sweating bodies turned the handle, pushing me into the room. The scent. It was the twins… they are eighteen now… for goddess' sake. "What? No. No. No." I said, pointing at them when I saw the look in their eyes. They are disappointed. Unhappy. "Little bird." Atlas murmured with his eyes locked on me. Atlas whispered something in Axel's ear as he stepped out of the office. I couldn't describe how I felt as we stood silently, locked on each other. I tried to decipher the emotions raging in his eyes, but he was blank... or maybe angry. Then, finally, Axel returned with his face set in hard unreadable lines as he whispered into his brother's ear. "No. I don't want to do that." Atlas reared back, looking into his brother's eyes. Axel only nodded. What felt like a lifetime passed until both exhaled a shaky breath before being able to even look at me. "We, the future alpha of the Clearwater pack, hereby reject you, Harley Grace Ashwood as our mate and Luna." I felt like a ton truck had parked on my chest. My heart had been ripped from my chest, and with one inaudible whisper, my wolf was gone too. I ran past them, dodging their hands that were reaching out for me. I ran and ran hard. I busted through the double doors into the parking lot and the tree line. I have no idea where I am going, but I won't turn around. Shift, Dam it. Shift! No matter how much I call her forward, she will not come to me. She's gone. I lost my shoes somewhere when I ran out of them, but the cuts on my feet don't even burn right now.  I ran up into a tree, praying I would be safe from them there. Until I wasn't. Their strong arms and massive legs climbed the tree like it was nothing, experiencing none of the struggles I had. I leaped from the tree. I have to get away from them. The flames are consuming me, the pain of the rejection too much as my feet hit the ground. My brain said to run, but I collapsed. Their feet came into my sight. My lungs were heaving, and I wanted to vomit, but nothing left me, no matter how much I gagged. My tears and snot are all over my face, and I feel completely shattered. "Little bird. Let's just talk, please. This isn't what we wanted." Axel pleaded with me like he hadn't just torn my heart out and stomped on it. "Leave me alone. It is clearly what the both of you wanted, and now you have it." I barked. "Harley, it is better this way, sweetheart. You are still so young. It is better to do this now while you don't have your wolf's bond. It won't hurt so much." Atlas said as he reached out, letting his fingertips graze my shoulder. The sparks that were supposed to put my wolf at ease aren't there anymore. She isn't there anymore. "We need you to listen, Little Bird. Our father is here. He wants us to walk you into the territory gap. That would be certain death for you, Harley. Despite the rejection, you must trust us enough to know we don't want anything bad to happen to you." I scoffed at that nonsense, considering they had hurt me worse than anything else ever could. But he just continued. "We will put you on a path into a pack territory that will care for you. But you have to keep going this way, and you will go straight into the Evergreen territory. We are so sorry little bird, but this is for the best." Axel said through gritted teeth. Things blurred on the walk. The sun was high now. Where was Denny? Why didn't he come for me? Instead, they sent me through the forest just like they said, with only my ripped dress and no shoes. My tears and snot streaked my face, and blood had dried on my skin, crunching under my movement. I am still determining if I am on the right path, but the sun is setting now, and even with the rogues in this forest, I have no fear. My body is beyond exhausted, and between the ache of it and the ache in my chest, the territory gap may have been better. "Harley?" my head snapped up at the call of my name. A tall man with sandy hair and big blue eyes stood a few feet before me. I couldn't find the voice in my raw throat, so I just nodded. "Did you find her?" A cute guy around my age jogged up to him, looking toward the man's eyes. His eyes held pity for me, and I… Dam… I hate that look. I stood up straight, holding my head high, avoiding any emotions. I tucked them away tight, feeling only fire, rage, and the anguishing pain in my chest. They both stepped toward me, and I stepped back. "Come on, kiddo. Let's go home. Okay?" the man said in my direction. Home? My home just rejected me. But I nodded again, stepping towards them. With that pity still, in their eyes, I will never be looked at like that again. This pain and devastation will be felt today and not another day after. Tomorrow… I fight.

 Ten years later: Keep going, Harley. Keep going. My legs were aching, and my lungs were desperate for air. A giant old oak caught my eye. Launching myself into it was a clever idea until the bark bit into my already aching flesh, digging into my palms and b**e feet. I can't let myself focus on that now. Keep pushing. Climb. Branch by branch, I climbed until the branches were getting too thin to hold my weight, yet still, they were too close. I feel them closing in on me like a predator after prey. Slow your heart rate. Breathe. They have to be under me by now. The air around me shifted into something else, something thick and scary. "Come out, little bird." The tone in Axel's voice made me tremble. Like god I will. They don't know you are here, Harley. Don't give in. *Snap* f'k-. They are climbing the tree. "We see you, little bird. We just want to talk." Atlas's dark voice made my heart race again. My brain started swirling with panic, and the urge to vomit made me dizzy. How did they find me? My brain buzzed with ideas to get me out of here and away from the twin terrors that were god-bent on ruining me. *Snap* The branches below me were swaying. Creaking and g******g with their added weight. What do I do?... What do I do? JUMP! I gave in to the voice, singing a clear escape for me. What is the worst that could happen? I either break my legs, and they finish what they started, the fall kills me, or… I get away. I didn't give myself a second to let my fear make me back out. Instead, I leaped through the branches. Falling… Falling. *Thud* A g***n wracked my aching chest; my duvet and sheet wrapped around my legs, leaving me tied up on the floor. Sweat had my hair glued to my forehead, and sleep still nipped at me even after all that. My brain wanted me to run for my life. But, in my mind, I was still that fragile sixteen-year-old little girl. The softness of the carpet and the sound of the rain swallowing the city kept me grounded in reality. Tears burned in my eyes, a catharsis I would not allow myself. Get it together. They don't get tears… they don't get anything. I scrapped myself off the floor with a g***n tossing my bedclothes back to where they belong, making my bed before I let myself address my body screaming for caffeine. Even after ten years, the nightmares still haven't stopped. I took the stairs by two, anxiety in my bones like a corrosive substance begging me to melt away. The smell of freshly brewed coffee bounced around the kitchen, making me m**n. I wasn't sure what time it was, but I noticed the orange hadn't kissed the sky yet. I took my coffee to the bedroom with me, a part of me still begging to hide away. My reflection caught my eye in the floor-length mirror, another reminder that I am no longer that scared young girl. My long black hair hanging around my w***t is a mess. My soft pale skin was covered in inked lace and flowers wrapping tightly around every curve, dancing around every inch of my skin mixed with images of death and drama perfectly coexisting in a storm of chaos and control. Andrew came through my door in a huff, his clipboard glued to his chest. "I just can't live today, Harley. Can we just stay in bed?" he puffed, throwing his clipboard down anywhere, placing his coffee on the nightstand, and burrowing into my already-made bed. This has become routine for us. We caffeinate, complain, and then move forward with the day. "I do not understand why you, who should be the head warrior of this pack or better yet should be gamma, let's be honest, and myself, the undeserving gamma, have to train this pack! I hate it… like, I love it, obviously. But I hate it." He blew, flipping his hair to the side. "You are an amazing gamma. I could not be a gamma and would just rather not. The only reason I am even a decent warrior is that I am constantly very bitterly angry. Lastly, we train the pack because it is our job." I sipped my coffee, giving him the same speech I have had every morning for six years. Byron busted in next, also not knocking. Taking the other side of the bed by Andrew. "What's on the schedule for today?" he stole Andrew's coffee, earning him a whine from his best friend. "Training." I huffed, searching the bottom of my closet for the Adidas I had seen yesterday. "You really shouldn't be so dry with your alpha Harley." He puffed up. "Ohhh—I apologize, alpha. I meant to say that we are doing the same shift we do every day. It's just a new day. Now give Drew his coffee before his tears stain my silk sheets." Byron and Andrew have been my best friends since the day of the incident that left me in Evergreen's pack territory. Byron was just seventeen then, still training to take the alpha role one day. I was just a scrawny sixteen-year-old girl whom his father pitied. Despite that pity, I found a home here. He deflated at my defiance, letting a sigh out behind a smile. "Let's get to it then. I have back-to-back meetings today, so I will not be around, and don't you two forget, we have Amari's birthday dinner tonight at six." He walked out, ruffling my hair even worse on his way out. Even after Byron found Amari and Andrew found Clayton, they still treated me like I was their little sister. I adore being able to have them despite everything. Andrew was still rambling as I entered the closet. Digging through my mountains of cra'ap until I finally found a black sports bra and training shorts. Unfortunately, I couldn't find my Adidas, so I grabbed my ratty-bottom Converse and laughed when Andrew's drama died immediately so he could add his two cents about my 'hideous' footwear choice. Reluctantly we made our way to the training grounds to set up for today. Thankfully, today is weaponry and battle in human form, which is my forte, considering my wolf went dormant after the incident. I haven't been able to shift since. I know she is still with me; I feel her from time to time rustling in the darkest parts of my mind, but never anything more than that. As we began, I let the fear and anger left over from my nightmare fuel me through the training. Giving me an extra boost to search for something new to learn or a way to improve my techniques. After training, I ran home to shower and dress for Amari's dinner. I couldn't decide what to get her, so I settled for a designer bag in her favorite color. You know? Girl stuff. Only thirty minutes into dinner, my phone rang. Which is odd, considering the people I talk to regularly are already here. The name flashing on the screen had anxiety in my throat. Dam… it's Denny. "Excuse me, guys. I need to take this." I excused myself, reluctantly dragging my way outside. The cool night air whipped in soft tendrils blowing my hair around. "Denny. It's been a while." I see no point in formal greetings with anyone in my family. I love them, but after I left the Clearwater Pack with no intention of returning, the way they began viewing my life and choices was nothing short of judgmental despite my success here. "Harls... it's time to come home." His voice was like a pretty melancholy tune. I tried to hide the indifference in my tone, but he knew I would rather die than face the Grimm twins. Not to mention, Axel and Atlas Grimm would rather kill me than have me on their territory. "That isn't possible." I deadpan. I haven't returned since that day and don't intend to break the streak. Those bastards swore I would never have to see them again the day they ruined me, and I hold firm on that promise. "Harley... Mom and Dad were killed in a rogue attack last night. I need you... we... need to make their arrangements. I can't do this alone. You've been granted access back into Clearwater. Come home. Please?"

 Sorrow clung to Denny's words like a leech, but my brain wasn't grasping the meaning behind what he had said. I had just talked to Dad two days ago. "What?" My mouth was painfully dry, and I felt like I was trying to swallow a golf ball. "Just come home. I love you, Harls." A soft click of the call disconnecting left me suffocating from the weight of his words. Walk. Now. Walk it off. My feet moved on their own. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't stop myself. I messaged Andrew telling him I was leaving. I don't even know what I said to the man. I can't even remember my fingers moving across the screen of my phone that I just shoved into my back pocket. When my brain caught up with my feet, I was back in my room, packing two weeks of clothes into my backpack. Andrew and Byron came into my room, trying to figure out what was happening and what I was doing, but I couldn't articulate words. I just kept packing. Byron took me by my shoulders, shaking me. "Harley! What the fk is going on?" his voice was calm, but I could see the concern in his soft brown eyes. "I have to go back." The tears welled in my eyes at the only words I could spit out for them. Control. Get control. I suked air through my nose, holding it until my chest ached before letting it out slowly. Over and over, I tried to rid my body of the pins and needles and the ten-ton weight on my chest and abdomen. Turn it off. One more breath, then turn it off. I inhaled one more time. One. Two. Three. Four. At five, I let every sensation crawling on my skin go, turning off my emotions and tucking them away for later. My face relaxed into a blank expression, my body numb to the circumstances. Then, finally, my eyes met Andrew, who was having his own minor breakdown about how 'over his dead body I would step foot onto those bastards' territory.' "My parents were murdered in an attack last night. Denny needs me." Their faces fell flat at my hushed words. At this moment, I chose to let the numbness spread throughout me like wildfire. Control. "I head out tonight. I shouldn't be gone for more than a week or two, but I may need you all to ship me more stuff if I can't get away from Denny." My hands were steady, and my actions more calculated, but the storms were raging inside. "What… What about them?" Andrew's voice was quiet, but his green eyes glistened with unshed worry for me. "If the three of us cross paths, then I will do the thing the sixteen-year-old me couldn't do. Something I should have had the backbone to do long before now." I mumbled, folding some training clothes into my bag. Something tells me I will be exhausting myself to maintain control of my emotions. I couldn't hear the words they were saying. I was still focused on my shoes. I could only choose one pair of shoes for my bag, and since I was riding my bike, I decided on my boots to wear, then shoved my Converse into the backpack. I can always buy another pair… or borrow a pair of mom's if needed. My heart clenched, thinking about all the times she had begged me to address the alphas so I could come home to her. She was the only one I ever spoke to about my rejection other than Byron, his father, and Andrew. She wanted to leave over and over and come here to be with me, but I was fearful it would jeopardize Denny's beta position. I changed into skinny jeans that were hanging on by a thread, a black cropped tee, and my riding jacket and combat boots. Byron grabbed my bag and wrapped an arm around me as we walked out to my Ducati. Sleek, matte black metal sat cool between my t****s, purring. I had gotten my hugs and goodbyes, and I had my phone tucked into my bag and my hair tucked into my helmet. I was ready, but reluctance tugged at me. I am safe here, and I am happy. But I know Denny needs me. So I shot a smile to my best friends… my brothers by choice. Then, I closed my visor and peeled out with dread filling my bones. It's only a two-hour ride back into Clearwater territory. The whole way, the trees danced in darkness like something from nightmares, plunging me further into my memories of the morning I was forced to leave my home. The anger and repulsion were thick on their tongues. "We, future alpha of the Clearwater Pack, hereby reject you, Harley Grace Ashwood, as our mate and Luna." Their words ripped through me like barbed wire laced with fire and salt, shattering me into millions of pieces. I let myself be pulled into the rabbit hole of my past until the smell of rot and decay snapped me back to reality, almost giving me whiplash. I am fifteen miles from the entry point of Clearwater, and I am surrounded by rogues.  Stop the bike. There is no one to call. They will not let me go… fight. Excitement flooded me at the possibility of working off the energy humming under my skin. I focus on my senses as my bike comes to a stop. Six. There are six of them, at least. I climbed off my bike, letting my helmet and backpack rest on the seat. The slight hum started feeling more like being wrapped in an electric fence when I saw their shadows emerging from the forest line. Three gruff wolves stepped forward. Three are still hiding. Stay close to the bike. A wicked smile spread across my l**s when their snouts wrinkled into menacing growls, and their teeth snapped at the air in a warning. I removed my jacket to move more fluidly, never taking my eyes from theirs. I had my nose trained behind me, keeping myself prepared for an ambush by the others. An internal relief flooded me when I realized Byron had attached my katana to my bike before I left. Only twenty feet. Stay sharp. I drew my katana as laughter bubbled when I heard their paws scraping the highway in pursuit of me. The largest of the three charged first, leaping for me. I slid under him, dragging my blade the entire length of his chest and abdomen, bathing myself in his blood and guts. A cackle tore through me as I charged the one behind him, dodging his first swipe, narrowly escaping the large paw that had intentions of ripping out my throat. He snapped at me as his friend circled from the back. I drove my blade through his skull, shivering at the feeling of his skull giving way to the impact. The others are in the tree line. They are circling in. Get moving. I kicked the one charging from behind, relieved when my boot connected with his snout. Him being distracted by his blurred vision made slitting his throat easy enough for me. The other three had watched the whole thing as spectators but had not come forward. Then, as I rounded my bike, they fled. I put my blade away, strapped my bag down so it wouldn't get destroyed by the blood still sticky on my skin, tucked my hair back into my helmet, and left, hoping the other three kept their distance. I stopped a few miles away, calling Denny and asking him to meet me at the gate and give me clearance without explaining my reasoning. I had no intention of stopping like this. The blood had started drying, cracking away under my movement. Still, I am rolling into foreign territory, looking like something out of Carrie, and that may not work in my favor. I don't need the guards calling the alpha down. I wanted to avoid them for as long as possible. The stretch into Clearwater was before me, and I picked up speed. "I can't stop Den. I met some rogues a few miles out." I used my pack link for the first time in a long time, and it almost felt right. My skin shivered at the thought of anything here feeling right. "What? Where? I'm sorry, Harls, but you have to stop. It is protocol." Denny linked back, and anger slammed into me. I refuse to be a puppet in this fking pack. "Harls, slow down." He linked again as I rolled up to the gates, then he stepped into my path, forcing me to slow down and stop. shift. Breathe. No one knows you. Don't be an bottom. Don't be an bottom. 

I took my helmet off, taking in the shocked expressions of Denny and two others I didn’t recognize. “Harley, shift. Are you okay?” the fear in his voice was almost pitiful. He started patting me, looking for the wounds that caused the blood to cover me. He’s taking their deaths harder than me. “It is not mine, Den. There were six rogues about fifteen miles out. Your patrol is shift, or I wouldn’t have had to take care of three of them myself. The others fled. You may want to push your patrols out for a better scope before they get too close.” His jaw clenched, but he nodded, and when his eyes glazed over, indicating a mind link being formed. I breathed a little easier, knowing he had taken my advice. In the last ten years, Denny, more than my parents, knew my position in Byron’s pack and had some hint of what I was capable of. Neither he nor my parents knew my wolf was dormant, though, and I fear that could cause issues here. “I’m going to the house, Den.” As I was putting my helmet back on, he stopped me. “Harls, the house was burned down in the attack. I have you a space on the beta floor of the pack house.” He couldn’t make eye contact with me because he knew the magnitude I would carry. No. f'k- no. I will NOT sleep under their roof. “Denny… Are you kidding me? No. I will rent a room.” I crossed my arms in an attempt to hold myself together. I feel like I could explode. Sudden exhaustion crashed into me, my body sore from the rogue attack, my stomach growling from the dinner I left behind at Amari’s party, the anger of the situation just too much to swallow. Inhale. One. Two. Three. “That isn’t an option either.” Denny finally found hi's bаlls and met my eyes. He seems concrete in his decision, and that pisses me off more. “Just a few days, Harls… please! I need my sister.” Denny may be my big brother, not to mention he is the big bad beta of Clearwater. But he got mothers emotional side, something I was thankfully spared. “Fine. Let’s go.” I nodded to the truck I assumed was his. My chest was ready to cave in at the thought of being around them. I was so fking stubid and weak back then that I couldn’t even accept their rejection. The minute they turned eighteen and realized I was their mate, they immediately rejected me to ‘spare’ me the loss of the bond. I have dealt with that loss every fking day since. It’s my fuel, my drive. I knew I would be strong enough to accept that rejection one day. But I wasn’t expecting it to be today. I came to plan a funeral. Instead, I have to accept their rejection, looking like Carrie. I let Denny lead us even though I know this place like the back of my hand. Denny pulled us into a garage, and I shut off the bike, climbed off, and threw my backpack at him. “I know this isn’t ideal.” He mumbled, helping me peel out of the jacket that had dried to my skin. Don’t, Harley. You are stronger than this. I swallowed the rising emotions. “I need a shower Den.” His eyes looked over my blood-soaked everything, and a smirk formed. “I think you look pretty b****s, Harls.” His laughter was bubbly and familiar and made me happy. “I look and smell disgusting, Denny. Take me to my room so I can wash the rogue guts out of my hair.” A smile tickled my l**s as we walked through a door that led us into the kitchen, where we turned up a staircase that let us avoid everyone. Everyone except the kitchen staff, who were doing their fair share of staring at me. Denny pulled me into an elevator, hit the number 2 button, and then scanned a card he turned around and handed me. “This will give you access to the beta floor while you are here. It is always two. One is the alpha’s floor, and the third is the gamma.” A silence wrapped around the two of us. The reality of my visit sank in. “Did they suffer?” I wanted so badly to keep my voice level. I needed to sound stronger. He shook his head no but couldn’t look at me. It made me wonder if he was being truthful or not. The ache in my chest returned when the elevator opened, letting us both trudge in. This floor was set up like a four-bed, three-bath house with everything but a kitchen. The room Den had set up for me was done in creams and whites, and while I prefer darker stuff, it’ll do for a few days. Not to mention it had one of the nicest king beds I had ever seen before. Denny stood at the door, watching me make my rounds of the room, smiling at my approval. I snatched my backpack and ran into the ensuite bathroom. The steam rising from the marbled shower had me giddy. I scrubbed rogue guts and blood from me, watching it swirl down the drain. Now that mom and dad are gone, I have to find a way to be in Den’s life. I washed and scrubbed until my skin was clear and my hair smelled like heaven again. Once I was satisfied I was clean, I wrapped in a huge fluffy towel and pulled black sleep shorts and a tank from my bag. I left my hair loose to air dry and ran out of the bathroom to find Denny in the living area with a bunch of takeout, drinks, and my katana from my bike. “FOOOOD!” I ran towards the coffee table, grabbed a box, and relaxed into the taste of bad Chinese food. “Dam, slow down, sis.” Denny laughed, digging into his boxes and shooting me a scowl when I nailed him with an egg roll. Pleased with the food baby I created, I grabbed a bottle of his expensive whiskey and a shot glass, and a few other necessities and settled into the floor in front of the fireplace to clean my katana. I took a shot and got to work on my girl. “How come you didn’t shift?” Denny observed me, but I was just looking at my blade. I adore this blade and treat her better than I treat myself. “Didn’t need to.” I shrugged. “You have the whole pack talking, you know? Between the kitchen staff seeing me hustle a blood-soaked kid up the stairs and the mess, a few men went out to clean up. The rumors are buzzing that I smuggled in a ninja kid.” His childlike grin made his dark circles seem less dramatic. I do not need to draw attention to myself while I am here. “Oh yeah? That’s no good.” I grinned, taking another shot. People confusing me for a child isn’t as surprising or flattering as it used to be. Now it’s just annoying. Even though I have a c-'cup and a thick bottom, my five-foot stature ruins it for me. Denny is six foot two, for crying out loud. I do look like a kid compared to him. A sudden knock at the door broke me from cleaning, and my heart was trying to leap through my shirt. “Calm down. It’s just our Gamma Nathan. Just relax.” Denny’s hands were out like he was trying to convince a stray cat it was safe with him. Truthfully, I felt like a stray right now. I took another shot and kept cleaning my blade. A low whistle rang from the doorway, and this classically cute guy strolled in, looking me over. Den whispered something in his ear, and his smile fell off. He cleared his throat and formally introduced himself. He handed Denny some folders and sat on the couch, reviewing the contents. “I was part of the cleanup this evening. I can’t believe you did all that damage with a sword on your own.” His eyes were full of excitement, like he really thought I was a ninja or something. I smiled at him, but it was more out of politeness than anything. “Well, actually, I am… I.” my words caught in my throat. How do I explain my position to a stranger? “If it wasn’t for her unsevered tie to this pack, Harls here would be the head warrior of Alpha Byron’s pack.” Denny said, sounding almost… proud of me. “She didn’t even shift Nate. You believe that?” They were really eyeing me now. “On that note. I am off to bed.” I stood cleaning my mess up and exchanged good nights with my brother and the gamma. I quickly sank into the bed's covers, drifting into the darkness.